Im at strip club and am horny
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
