my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Bring me that man meat
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
