Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
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