This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
