My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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