Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
