as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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