I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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