How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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