If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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