We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
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