On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
