Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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