I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
