They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
