I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
