You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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