Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
