no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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