i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
