You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
