i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
