so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
