I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
