I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
