Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
