Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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