But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
