you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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