Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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