i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Randomize
