Will you blow on my dice?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize