Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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