new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
