I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize