I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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