Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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