pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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