So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
cat food counts as protein by the way
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
