The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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