is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She's the barista slut.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
