so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
