Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
