What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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