Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
