we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
