I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Randomize
