Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
How external is "for external use only"?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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