My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
