ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Someone came in the potted fern
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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