I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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