He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
