Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
