weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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