Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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