1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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