I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
