Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
