I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
thus making me awesome and them whores
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
