I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
