and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
