Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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