I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
