Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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