How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
