Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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