do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
