I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
