you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
