Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
