is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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